Family Dynamics

In the second half of “Stealing Buddha’s Dinner” I was interested in how the rest of her family dynamics are explored. One of the most relatable scenes in the book was of Bich at the homes of extended family on Rosa’s side. She describes her time there as a place where she is asked to love people she does not know and where she attempts to hide away and be in her comfortable solitude with a good book.

I knew my family growing up but still I tended to be the one who wanted to do my own thing. All of my cousins are either several years older or several years younger. My brother could hang out with older cousins and my sister, the more sociable one comparatively speaking, hung out with however she wanted. I was more cautious and ‘heady’ about the whole process of socialization. I remember the meal time being the best part especially in the wintertime when we all were cooped up inside the house. I wanted to be social but like Bich she just wasn’t interested in what the other groups around her were doing. And somehow it’s never enough to be in the room where the others are. You have to participate in some way.

Once at my grandma’s house I was knitting a blanket in the living room while my cousins were playing a game. One of them asked me why I’m always doing something on my own and I thought because I want to. But I also remember wishing that someone else would be interested in what I was doing so I wouldn’t be alone.

I also remember being the older sister figure much like Crissy in some ways. My younger sister would always be clamoring to hang out with me and my friends but I could never accept her. I felt the power that I held over her. I used to get so annoyed because I had a friend who didn’t mind hanging out with my sister and she would invite her along knowing full well that I didn’t want my sister following. My friend even went so far as to play with my sister when I was grounded because I had been mean to her earlier in the day and my mom had decided to punish me. So the power dynamic wasn’t all one sided but I can definitely relate to the basic situation.

A really interesting part of the second half of the memoir was when Bich described the realization that her parents didn’t like her face. Even when she was being “good” she wasn’t really being good because her face revealed her true feelings. She was defiant even when she wasn’t trying to be outwardly defiant. I really felt for Bich here because it feels so unfair when we are judged for our facial expressions. I am also the kind of person whose emotions are unintentionally splayed across my face.